But here’s the thing: I don’t want to take the time to do that. I don’t like cooking. I don’t like baking. I do it because I must eat food and because my husband also would prefer to eat food. But the actual activity of cooking or baking is not enjoyable to me in any way whatsoever.

So why am I focused on perfection?

Honestly, I think it is because I am a classical musician. We are taught from a very young age that we should be able to play perfectly. Perfection is what wins competitions. Perfection is what wins jobs. We all get sucked into this mindset that we must be perfect if we are going to be worthy of being a musician. It’s a terrible mindset that I have spent the majority of my career trying to eliminate with varying results.

How many times have I NOT recorded for a competition because I just couldn’t get it perfect?

How many times have I NOT submitted a recording because it wasn’t perfect?

How many schools did I NOT apply to because I didn’t think I could play well enough?

How many masterclasses did I NOT apply for?

How many things have I missed out on because I thought I needed to be perfect BEFORE I just gave it a try!?

The answer to all of this is countless times. COUNTLESS.

Getting back to The Great British Bake Off. Paul Hollywood always likes to say that he is expecting perfection and sometimes the contestants manage that. (And receive the coveted Paul Hollywood handshake.) Sometimes their bakes look gorgeous but don’t taste great. Sometimes they taste AMAZING but look like a mess. I was thinking about all this today as I made a cheesecake. I make this particular cheesecake only once per year. I call it the Apple Pie Cheesecake. It has a complicated crust that calls for crushed nuts and spices and you know what, I CANNOT BE BOTHERED to make that crust. So, I purchased two gluten free, graham style crumb pie crusts and crushed them up, added melted butter, and baked them back together. Then I made the cheesecake as the recipe calls for and it was absolutely delicious. (I eat the batter even with eggs in it. Sorry, not sorry.) Now the topping calls for two granny smith apples, but my family has a superior baking apple, and I get two Northern Spy apples from my mother once per year to make this cheesecake. Those should be sliced thin and evenly, sautéed with cinnamon and sugar, and then placed on top of the cheesecake in a highly decorative fashion. Am I going to do that? No. I cannot slice evenly to save my life. The sauté will be fine and the apple slices will go on top of the cheesecake in some sort of formation. I’ll probably just use the “scoop and drop” method.

The cheesecake will not be “PERFECT.”

BUT

It will be absolutely delicious!

My husband looks forward to this dessert for an entire year. It might be his favorite thing that I make. Should I not make it because I don’t make it perfectly? If I’m not going to take the time to make the fancy crust and make sure that I decorate with my sliced apples just so, should I even try?

YES

This cheesecake is delicious. Even if it looks messy, it’s going to taste delicious! I would rather make this dessert, imperfectly, once per year than try to make myself go insane by trying to make sure it looks stunning.

So, why can’t this be the same attitude towards our flute playing? Sure, we practice daily to achieve the highest level of artistic and technical playing that we can. Should we not try for the big things, even if we’re not convinced of our own excellence in our playing? We’re Paul Hollywooding ourselves into not trying. It’s scary to put our musical artistry out there when we’re not convinced that we’ve achieved the level we want to, but why should we decide for other people what they want to hear? Maybe your post on TikTok is exactly what someone else needed to see in order to be brave enough to make their own post. Maybe your submission to the competition was ABSOLUTELY what the judges were looking for even if you made a few mistakes on the recording. Maybe you do have what it takes to get into that amazing grad school, if only you just tried. (I wish someone had told me this one about a decade or so ago.)

Sometimes when you take the risk of putting your musical self out there, you will experience failure. Its natural. It’s a part of this business. But it doesn’t mean that you should stop trying. And that failure doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. It is not a moral judgement. It just means that opportunity isn’t for you right now. Just for right now. You can try again. You can learn and grow some more and give it another go. Or you can decide that the process you go through to try to win that thing is not for you and change your direction. You are in charge.

You just have to be a little brave. You must be able to work hard, smart, and efficiently. Then, you must throw your art out into the world and let it fly.

You never know what could happen if you just try!

Dr. L

“I've never known a musician who regretted being one. Whatever deceptions life may have in store for you, music itself is not going to let you down.”

-Virgil Thomson